


Abandon All Hope

by gone_to_fight_the_fairies



Series: Abandon All Hope [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abandon All Hope, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 23:51:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17652056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gone_to_fight_the_fairies/pseuds/gone_to_fight_the_fairies
Summary: Castiel and the Reader find themselves unable to fight their mutual attractions; even in the midst of tragedy as they are joined by Dean, Sam, Ellen, and Jo on a mission to stop Lucifer. An adaptation of the episode “Abandon All Hope” (Season 5, Episode 10).





	1. Chapter 1

“Dean, I don’t like this,” Castiel spoke low, watching you and Jo walk up to the gates of Crowley’s large, guarded house wearing tight, distracting dresses. 

Castiel would do anything to stop you from endangering yourself, from being a pawn in this mission. But Castiel couldn’t resist the Enochian symbols drawn on the gates to Crowley’s mansion, and the group needed the colt. In result of the angel’s restriction, you were to draw the gates open with Jo, using your sex appeal to warm up the demons before the group could break inside. And that bothered Castiel. 

“Hey, Sam and I have the girls’ backs. This is the best way to get the colt from Crowley.” Dean said from the driver’s seat in the Impala. He gave a sideways glance at the angel by his side. “Hey, Jo’s done stuff like this before, buddy. No need to sweat.” 

“But Y/N hasn’t.” Castiel murmured, eyes locked onto your frame in the distance. Castiel wondered how long it would be until you were out of harm’s way again. 

Dean gave the angel a knowing smile. “Hey, would it make you feel better if I pull her from the mission after they get the gates open? She can come back here with you, and you know…” 

“Dean, this is hardly a joking matter.” Castiel tore his eyes away to give a bitchface to Dean. 

Dean gave him one last smile and ran off to join Sam to ambush the demons from behind as you and Jo would get them from the front. Castiel watched as you and Jo pressed the gate intercom. It was at this moment he truly appreciated his hearing abilities his graced supplied. 

“Hello? Our car broke down. We need some help.” Jo spoke into the intercom. 

Castiel could hear a demon answer. “We’ll be down in a minute.” 

It took hardly a few seconds before the gate swung open, allowing both women to step in the threshold waiting to play out their attack. The demons surfaced shortly, dressed in suits, acting as security for Crowley. They greeted the girls eagerly. 

“Evening, pretty ladies. Get yourselves on in here.” One demon addressed, sizing up both women before him. He swaged over to both women as the other demon stayed behind, also soaking up your appearances. 

Castiel scowled, disgusted by the flirtatious tone in the demon’s voice. Castiel heard the both of you laugh nervously, playing your parts well. 

“Uh,” You spoke, watching Sam and Dean hop over the wall from the corner of your eye. “we just need to make a call.” 

“You don’t need to call anyone, baby. We’re the only help you’re ever gonna need.” The demon cast a wicked smile in your direction. 

Jo stepped in. “You know what? I think we should wait by the car.” Jo grabbed your arm, motioning to leave. 

“We said,” The demon grabbed your shoulder, yanking you back toward him. “get your asses in here.” 

As quick as it took for Castiel to fly from the Impala to the gates, where he was blocked by wardings, you had already turned around in the demon’s grip and slashed him with a blade, releasing you from his hold as you stabbed him in the chest. 

Sam had run over the property in time for your fight, and was behind the other demon, stabbing him with a similar blade as it had charged Jo. Dean appeared alongside his brother, on the lookout for additional demons. None appeared. 

“Nice work, Y/N,” Dean commented. 

You shrugged with a mumbled thanks, putting your blade back where it came from as Castiel caught your eye, standing on the other side of the gate, limited by the Enochian symbols. You slid your blade back and straightened up to call out to the angel. “Cas, you know you can’t bypass the wardings.” 

“The demon,” Castiel began to explain bashfully, “he grabbed you.” 

You smiled sweetly at Castiel, flattered by his attempt to help you. All while Sam, Dean, and Jo glanced at each other knowingly. 

Dean cleared his throat, catching your attention. “Okay, Y/N, we got it from here. You can go back with Cas-” 

“What?” You crossed your arms, staring back to the rest of the group in pure bewilderment. “You’re keeping me out?” 

“Yeah, Dean, what the hell?” Sam asked. “Changing the plan?” 

“Yeah, why can't she can’t come with?” Jo interjected. 

Dean glanced at Castiel, looking to see if the angel had anything to offer before continuing. “Look, uh,“ Dean tried to come up with an excuse. "I promised Bobby I’d keep you safe.” 

“My Dad doesn’t know I’m here. What’s the real reason?” When Dean was silent, you assumed an answer. “Dean, you don’t have to be protective of me. I’m not incompetent; I’m just a couple years younger than you guys, but I’ve been hunting for years.” 

“Okay,” Dean smiled, forming a new tactic. “You go in; I tell Bobby you were here.” 

“Dean,” You spoke in a firm tone. “I’m an adult, I don’t need his permission-” 

“And that you went on that wendigo hunt three years ago and that’s why you needed stitches.” 

“He’ll also find out that you’re the one that took me.” Dean seemed at a loss for words as you continued. “Look, I’m not a baby. I happen to be a full-functioning adult that’s going into that ugly house.” You pointed in at the mansion. Shaking your head, you strut past Dean towards Sam and Jo. “Shall we?” 

“So Crowley wants us to kill Lucifer?” 

“Yep.” You told your father, back at in Sioux Falls. At first, he had been angry that you went to Crowley’s lair to retrieve the Colt without telling him. However now he was absorbed in the story, inquisitive and petrified by your tale. “Crowley handed over the Colt and everything. Says Lucifer is bad for business. If we go, he’s next.” 

“How the hell do you kids plan to find him?” Bobby’s eyes scanned the room, glancing over at Castiel, the Winchesters and then the Harvelles, waiting for someone to spill the beans. 

Sam was the one to bite the bullet. “Crowley has his sources. Says Lucifer will be in Missouri tomorrow. It’s our best shot.” 

“Sounds like a suicide mission,” Bobby spat. “Oh, not that any of you’d mind since you already went searching for the Crossroads King tonight.” 

“It wasn’t a big deal,” You defended. “Crowley hardly threatened us. He wants the same thing we do.” 

“Yeah, because demons’ motives don’t change.” Bobby scowled at everyone. “It’s a ridiculous plan. You’ll all end up killing yourselves.” 

“Bobby,” Sam addressed. “If there’s anything worth dying for, it’s this. Saving people, it’s what we all do. If we can stop Lucifer before the apocalypse begins… then there is no end of the world.” 

Bobby sighed, shaking his head in skepticism. “So, how many of y'all are going through with this tomorrow?” 

“We all are,” Jo answered glancing at her mother to see if there were any doubt of it from her mother. 

Bobby’s eyes darted to you in a flash. “No.” 

“Dad-” 

Bobby was quick to argue. “You aren’t going to Missouri tomorrow to meet the devil!” 

“I don’t want to meet him; I just want one of us to blow his freakin’ brains out.” 

“How good of a hunter do you think you are? How well is anyone else here trained to fight that pile of shit? Even Cas doesn’t stand a chance against an archangel turned rogue.” 

You began an argument of morals, but your father shut that down quickly. “You aren’t going tomorrow, end of story!” Bobby noticed everyone watching. “What the hell are all of you staring at, carry on with your dumbass planning. I’m going to get a beer.” Bobby rolled his chair away into the kitchen. 

Ellen followed him, likely to calm Bobby down after his large explosion. This left only the five of you in the room. 

Bobby’s disapproval didn’t deter you. It didn’t soothe you either, but he raised a fighter. Someone that had morals. You knew what was the right thing for you to do. Standing on the sidelines while the rest of your family got picked off one by one to die wasn’t your plan. Even if Bobby was right about the idea being a suicide mission. You prepared to go down swinging with your friends. 

“So, what time are we leaving in the morning?” You asked. 

“I don’t understand,” Castiel began with a tilt on his head to match his quizzical expression. “Bobby said-” 

“I don’t have to his follow orders.” 

Though you didn’t see it, Castiel scowled, dreading tomorrow knowing you were likely to die.


	2. Abandon All Hope (Part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and the Reader find themselves unable to fight their mutual affections; even in the midst of tragedy as they are joined by Dean, Sam, Ellen, and Jo on a mission to stop Lucifer. An adaptation of the episode “Abandon All Hope” (Season 5, Episode 10).

The sun had come out by the time the Winchesters met up with you and the Harvelles. But the weather did not foreshadow what was to happen. Meg appeared with eight or so hell hounds at her side. And while Dean attempted to keep up the witty banter as long as he could, the inevitable occurred. Meg sent her hellhounds chasing after the group. 

You all sprinted as fast as you could. And while Dean was a fast runner, he had been closest to the hellhounds and was directly jumped. Hearing his grunt, you and Jo turned around, taking turns shooting at the invisible beast as Ellen and Sam made it to a hardware shop and began to pry the doors open. 

“Guys, stay back!” Dean yelled at you and Jo. 

Neither of you listened to Dean as you took your aim at the mutt, careful not to hit Dean. The hellhound jumped off of Dean’s back, leaving him woundless. While Jo continued to shoot at it, cornering it in front of a garbage can, you rushed to Dean’s aid. 

You heard Jo scream mix with a demented snarl as you were hauling Dean to his feet, and from the corner of your eye, you saw your friend on her back with a hellhound tearing up her torso, spewing blood out of her, pouring onto the ground instantly. You turned, aiming your rifle at the supernatural mutt. 

However, as Dean stood, you were brought down. A hound had come up from behind and locked onto your thigh. It began to drag you back towards Meg as you cried out. You could hear another snarl at the side of your head. You quickly raised your shotgun, firing in its direction several times, and its bellows led you to believe it to be dead. 

You could hardly hear Ellen and Sam’s screams over the gunshot ringing in your ears. You heard one distinct ear-piercing scream, but unable to look up as you fought the mutt that released your leg to nudge you on your back, ready to strike any of the softer parts of your body. You began to fire at the mutt hovering over you. It screeched, and fell away. 

There were only two things on your mind. Jo. And the pain in your leg. Those two things kept you fighting. You sat up, and in the midst of many terrorizing sounds, you listened for more dogs. Having heard a couple of snarls you shot around you, hoping to take down as many as you could before another dog attacked. 

Before more could, Dean was over you, roaring on about what you didn’t know. The Winchester wrapped an arm around your back and reached under your knees and lifted you as you continued to shoot. Dean ran, holding you tight against his chest into the hardware store. 

You didn’t know how bad off Jo was until Dean set you down on your feet, only to collapse beside Jo. All you could see was blood, buckets of it. From your spot on the ground, you tore your jacket from your shoulders, and applied it to Jo’s torso, hoping to keep the injury at bay long enough to get her out of harm’s way. 

As time went on, you could hear loud grunts and snarls from outside as the Hellhounds scratched at the doors. But there was no logical plan of getting the five of you safely out of the building without the hellhounds noticing. Dean, Sam, and Ellen barricaded the store well, nearly covering the entire store in salt. Though you were stuck, with no plan of escape as long as the hellhounds circled the building. 

One of the hellhounds successfully taken a chunk out of your lower thigh, tearing ligaments and muscles apart, creating excruciating pain in your entire leg. You were confined to the floor alongside Jo, unable to stay up on your feet for more than a minute before collapsing to the floor. But your only focus was Jo, who’s wound was far worse. Ellen had wrapped your leg when you were resistant, focusing on applying pressure to Jo’s wound. You tried to keep in as much blood as possible as you waited for some plot to get free from the looming hellhounds less than thirty feet from you. But you assumed death was nearing as the group waited in the hardware store, like sitting ducks. 

And as you sat, with nothing other to do than to hold out for a miracle, all you were left to do was think. Which gave you time to become terrified for your favorite angel. The last you saw him, he’d left to find out the reasoning behind the increased population of reapers. And now you sat, anticipating for either your leg wound or hellhounds to kill you. Still you couldn’t help but feel more anxious for the angel, as you fretted the worst outcome for him. You knew if Castiel were able, he’d come to save everyone, or at least try. Meg and the hellhounds were inferior in power compared to Castiel; meaning something was wrong. 

Silently praying to Castiel, you begged he was alive. You requested if he could hear your prayer that he’d give you a sign to show you he was alright. You wanted him safe more than yourself. You just wanted him to be alive. You needed him alive. Oh, if you could just get the chance ever to tell him in person how much you couldn’t live without him. 

After your prayer went without a word from the angel you fought tears. You struggled to save face for everyone there. But your eyes watered as your eyes roamed over Jo as her face paled and eyes began to droop. 

“Jo, hang in there.” You ordered her, grabbing her hand, giving her a light squeeze. 

“I’m gonna try,” Her breath was shortened. “But, Y/N, when I die-” You made a face at her, but she continued. “You gotta do something for me.” 

You wanted to yell at her; tell her not to give up hope. But you knew you couldn’t; knew she wouldn’t. Helplessly, you nodded waiting to hear what she said. 

“Tell that damn angel you love him already.” Her laugh ended in a coughing fit. “He loves you too, you know.” 

For the first time in your life, you admitted it. “I promise.” 

Eventually, Dean radioed Bobby, who was screaming at Dean about your disappearance. Dean quickly informed your father about the group’s predicament, and when prompted about your heath, you made Dean lie. Bobby didn’t need to know the extent of the injuries. 

As even more time went on, you accepted your faith, assuming yourself nearly dead as your wound began to drain the lifeforce out of yourself. But what you feared for was Jo, who admitted paralyzation of her legs and proposed blowing the store up in hopes of killing all of the hellhounds, allowing all those healthy to escape. You had been resistant, not willing to leave your friend, but reality set in and you knew she didn’t have much time. 

You offered to stay with Jo and let the hellhounds inside the building to better proof the plan. It was a reasonable thought as your injury would slow the others down and figured you should be the only candidate to accompany your suicide mission. But Ellen interjected, claiming she would be the one to die with her daughter. She told you that you needed to get home safely to Bobby. That she would be the only one to lose a daughter that day. 

You only knew the plan worked once you had been dragged away by the Winchesters, having been reluctant of leaving your family to die. Hot tears sprung down your cheeks as the store burned, leaving all hope for the Harvelle’s behind. Sam helped you walk back to the Impala to find Lucifer and hopefully Castiel. You prayed for your friend again, hoping he’d answer to prove he was still alive. You couldn’t lose anyone else. 

The three of you scouted the woods for Lucifer, which wasn’t too difficult as he stood in a large open space in the woods, with the townspeople standing behind him spread out, performing a ritual to bring upon Death, one of the four horsemen. 

You weren’t able to kill the devil. The colt failed as Lucifer was too powerful. And as the ceremony occurred, Lucifer offered to heal you, in place for Sam’s agreement to be the angel’s vessel. You made Sam reject the offer, telling Lucifer himself that you’d “rather die than be his bargaining chip.” Nevertheless, you felt yourself growing fatigued and began to believe that you were living your last moments. 

Lucifer continued the ritual. While having his back to the three of you, Castiel manifested beside you, motioning with his finger to remain silent as he whisked the remainder of the group away from Lucifer. 

Next thing you knew, you were back at home in the library, on your feet for a split second before you stumbled unable to keep yourself upright for any longer. Castiel caught you in his arms and placed you on the recliner as Bobby swore from surprise at the group’s arrival. 

His outbursts only increased as he came to understand you were injured. 

“What the hell happened?” Bobby screamed at the Winchesters. But they were motionless zombies. Grief struck. Not only were they unsuccessful in the attempt to kill Lucifer but Ellen and Jo died in vain. And they were anxiously watching you and Castiel, waiting for the angel to heal you. 

You gaped at Castiel, glossy-eyed as he evaluated your wound, eyes darkening as he gazed over the bite. He raised two of his fingers to your forehead as you found the strengt to speak. 

“You’re alive.” You praised as his fingers softly connected to your forehead. 

You felt a wave of something that neither described as warm or cool, regardless, it was comforting; it was his grace rushing through every cell, healing anything major or minor. It was strange to suddenly feel no physical pain, after an hour or so of pure torture; it was the opposite of the relief it should have been as it let all of the emotional shock set into your conscious. 

Instantly, you leaned over the side of the chair and hurled over the floor, unable to hold back your sickness as reality sunk in. You felt a hand on your back, and Castiel’s grace coursing through your body again, as you made a mess over the floor, which would have disgusted you under a normal circumstance. 

“I… I don’t understand,” Castiel sputtered in disbelief as his grace washed through you. “I healed her of all injuries. She shouldn’t-” 

“It’s from grief, Cas.” You heard Sam say. 

You finished puking, but remained over the armrest of the chair, as you felt Castiel’s thumb rub circles on your spine. You could feel another presence approach and the hand on your back vanish. 

“Hey, hey,” You dad murmured. “You’re going to be okay.” 

You wiped your sleeve across your mouth before sitting up in the chair. You saw Dean shift out of the room, assuming he needed to be alone to grieve. Sam was leaning in the doorway. “No,” You told your father. “I’m not.” 

“Well,” His voice instantly softened. Your father kneeled on your right, while Castiel stood on your left protectively. “What happened?” 

You glanced over at Castiel, seeing as he was completely fixated on you, waiting as eagerly as your father to hear the story. You tore your gaze away, eyeing Sam, with a plea to explain what had happened instead. Truth be told, you didn’t have the stomach for it. 

The younger Winchester got the hint. “It was Meg.” And Sam went on, but by that time you drowned out the sound of Sam’s voice. Not allowing yourself to listen to the horrors you already lived. But Sam never captivated Castiel’s attention. 

“Y/N?” Castiel asked you. 

You raised your eyes to meet his once more. “Are you alright, Cas?” Your voice shook to some degree. “Are you hurt?” 

Castiel shook his head in disbelief. “I am fine. It’s you I’m worried about.” Castiel paused, cupping your cheek with his palm. “Y/N, I am so sor-” 

“And where were you, angel?” Bobby suddenly exploded at Castiel. “It seems all of this could’ve been avoided if these kids had your mojo-” 

“That’s not fair,” You ejected weakly, glaring at Bobby. “You don’t think he risked his life today too? The mission wasn’t to keep us alive; it was to stop the devil.” 

“Which failed,” Bobby added. 

“Lucifer trapped me. I was unable to escape until after he left.” Castiel admitted. “I can not begin to apologize.” 

“I’d be dead if he hadn’t poofed us back here, Dad.” You added, eyes still locked on Bobby. “Don’t blame this on him.” You slowly stood, rejecting the help from Castiel. “But, you can blame Ellen’s death on me.” You didn’t look back as you flew from the room. 

That night no one could sleep. While Bobby, Dean, and Sam turned to booze, you found yourself tempted to drink your sorrows away too, but reframed. You wanted to feel the pain; it reminded you what you lost, and you wouldn’t ever allow yourself to get over Ellen or Jo. 

You wouldn’t numb your pain, you wouldn’t let Lucifer or Meg win. 

You sat outback, on the backdoor’s stairs, gazing up at the stars. Your eyes dried, unable to produce more tears. You were a zombie, passively thinking about nothing other than the loss of two great hunters and Lucifer’s victory. Stewing in your own self-hate, you didn’t realize for a moment that Castiel appeared, holding out a bottle of water in your direction. You jumped out of your skin at the realization. 

“I sense you are dehydrated,” When you did nothing other than staring at the bottle, Castiel began to beg. “Please?” 

Castiel was trying, you could see it. He regretted his disappearance, and he was doing anything he could to make it up. You didn’t believe there was anything for the angel to regret, however, to ease his conscious you took the bottle with a shaky hand. Twisting off the cap, taking a small sip, you eyed Castiel. 

“You can sit if you want.” 

Castiel sat to your right cautiously. 

You thought back to Jo’s last request, to tell Castiel the truth. But as the both of you sat in silence, you couldn’t find the right words to start. You gazed anywhere other than Castiel, eyes roaming from the Junk Yard to the stars. After a moment, you felt Castiel become antsy, which was rather unusual since he preferred a peaceful silence. 

“I don’t want you to think I ignored your prayers earlier today.” Castiel started. “They are what drove me to escape.” 

“I prayed to you because I was afraid that you were dead, Cas.” You told with a slight edge to your voice. “I didn’t pray because I thought you’d come save us. I knew something was wrong when you didn’t show.” 

“Y/N, I know this.” He confirmed. “I felt your anxiety for me.” 

After another moment of silence, he began again.“I can not apologize enough for my absence. I shouldn’t have played into Lucifer’s hand. Words can not express my condolences for your loss. Ellen and Jo were both remarkable people.” 

“I’m just thankful Lucifer didn’t kill you. I thought we’d find your vessel’s corpse.“ You felt Castiel’s guilt in the air. "Cas, everyone knew the risks-” 

“Then why do you blame yourself? Sam explained to me why you indict yourself for Ellen’s death. She wouldn’t part without her daughter. That is not your fault. And frankly,” Castiel added. “I owe everything to Ellen for it.” Castiel let the words hang. 

You tore your eyes off the ground to stare at Castiel with astonishment. You felt your breath hitch. You must have appeared surprised because Castiel tilted his head, perplexed. “What?” 

Again, Jo’s request pestered you. “Because she saved me?” 

With no hesitation, he answered. “Yes.” 

You glanced down at Castiel’s hand, the one that rested on your shoulder in the photo from the previous night. Cautiously, you covered your own hand over his, giving it a light squeeze. With your gaze dropped, you missed Castiel’s concupiscence stare that rested on your face. He almost smiled as his gaze too dropped to your hands. And as he began to speak, he turned his palm up, intertwining your fingers. “I owe Ellen everything for allowing you to continue living.” 

You got the courage to look at the angel’s face. His eyes followed yours, and for a moment you found yourself distracted from the tragedies surrounding your lives. 

“Cas,” You began, feeling the heat rush to your cheeks as you realized what you were about to do. “Jo made me promise something before she died.” You paused watching Castiel become inquisitive, hanging off every word you spoke. Anxiously, you tried to image a way out of your explanation, but knew you had to tell the angel. “She wanted me to tell you the truth; about my feelings for you.” 

“Your emotions are the same as mine?” 

“Depends, how do you feel about me?” 

Castiel gave you a small smile. “I feel, as though I finally have a greater purpose, because of you. I rebelled against heaven because you taught me to fight for what I believe in. You taught me to feel something, Y/N. That is the most important thing. I’ve learned to love humanity, and in doing so, I feel I’ve grown so fond of you that it certainly frightens me. Is that anyway similar to how you feel?” 

You leaned into Castiel, pressing your lips lightly to his as a confirmation. But you felt Castiel’s posture stiffen, and you instantly retracted. 

“Sorry. I just thought that’s where you were headed.” You breathed, a nervous laugh coming out as you believed you misread Castiel’s point. 

“No, uh, you’re right.” Castiel sputtered. “I just wasn’t expecting… I’m just not used to that much,” You watched his eyes dart to your mouth, “intimacy.” 

“Cas, you don’t have to-” In a flash, he eagerly had lips on yours. You noted that his mouth was possibly the sweetest things you’d ever tasted as you began to lose yourself in a trance of his lips. 

You pulled back to have a gasp of air as Castiel smiled to himself. But all too suddenly his smile was replaced with a frown. “I also feel as though I have a better reason than ever to stop Lucifer.” 

Instantly, you were brought back down to reality and your eyes water. “We need to make him pay for this, for the Harvelles.” You sniffled. 

“Somehow we’ll find a way.” You leaned your head onto his shoulder, crying softly into it as Castiel wrapped an arm around you, circling his thumb over your shoulder, comforting you the best way he knew. “I promise you, we’ll find a way.”


End file.
